I just left my husband alone with our two children for sixteen days. I was not worried about anything regarding the house, their food, or their wellbeing. I put all the appointments in the family calendar and my husband checked it and kept them. I literally did not worry about them. I missed them, and I was sad that they missed me, but I didn’t worry about them AT ALL. I need to impress upon you all that I missed their company, but was not worried for their welfare.
I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.
This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.
Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.
A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?
While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!
NO.
NO NO NO NO.
NO.
Straight women, don’t do this shit. It’s gross. Don’t infantilize your husbands and then expect your daughters to pick up the slack. So fucking gross. So. So. GROSS.
I am not actually sure what the big deal is? The only thing that looks like a real problem is that the six year old is being deputised to deal with shit, and the overtly gendered nature of how that’s being done.
But, ignoring gender for a moment - what’s wrong with division of labour? It’s efficient. It leads to brief periods of stress when the pair has to separate for a while, but that’s made up for by increased efficiency 90% of the time.
My mother cooks and deals with computers. My father does the shopping and fixing things around the house. That’s because those are what each party is better at - their comparative advantage - and everyone is better off when they play to their strengths.
For a lot of people, one of the benefits of having a partner is the fact that you don’t have to be good at everything. Sometimes someone more skilled than you can step in for what you can’t handle, and you can do the same for them.
I feel like whenever I see posts like this they are criticizing men for being bad at Traditional Woman Things, but I still feel implicitly attacked as a woman who is bad at a lot of Traditional Man Things. I can’t carry heavy boxes, my response to seeing a spider is to yell for whoever is around to kill it, and I call my dad when I’m having problems with my computer or it’s April and I realize I haven’t done my taxes yet and want someone to do them for me.
And yes, I could become better at any of these things with effort. But I have a limited amount of time and effort and none of these things are my top priority. Is that problematic of me?
(I also kind of object to the OP because from a pretty young age, I was in charge of food for my family when my mom was away and my dad was home with us, and I loved it: the responsibility made me feel really cool and grown-up.)
(I agree wholeheartedly with the efficiency argument for division of labor, and would go even further: since most people are straight, the traditional division of labor between the two genders allows people to learn only half the skills needed for adult life from a young age before they know who they are going to marry, saving a lot of redundant investment in human capital.)