there’s this interesting property of some gender role stuff where like
take Valentine’s Day. there’s a cultural expectation that women want to celebrate it and men don’t. so whether a couple celebrates Valentine’s Day, and how extravagantly, is a signal of who has more power in the relationship, and thus social status and attractiveness more broadly
and thus the expectation is self perpetuating, because both men and women are rationally incentivized to have these preferences regardless of whether they did in the first place
I’ve been obsessing over Liz Bruenig lately partly because I enjoy watching her navigate these dynamics. There’s an elegant mix of signaling (“weddings are stupid, just get married at City Hall Iike I did”) and countersignaling (“I make Matt’s favorite food for him every day :) :)”) but ultimately I guess most people just think she’s a self-hating misogynist tradwife anyway