So after seeing @cptsdcarlosdevil ‘s writing on the subject, I checked out r/marriedredpill, thinking it would be a cesspit that would make me angry and I’d indulge in some good old-fashioned Feminist Rage.
Only…like…yes, there was some truly horrible stuff (one guy comparing women to household pets, gross sexual stereotyping here and there, a fair amount of racism and a heap of classism, etc.), but… there was also a surprising amount of advice that was, like, good and normal.
Like, they couched it all in goofy “alpha/beta dread kino” language, but strip that away, and you got advice like “if you want to have more sex with your wife, making sure you’re pulling your weight in terms of the household/kids, and then flirting with her, is more effective than slugging around whining that you don’t have enough sex” and “being cheerful and enthusiastic about your family life will lead to a happier family life” and “be supportive of your wife’s ambitions and hobbies” and “it’s not babysitting when they’re your kids–that’s just parenting.”
That’s good advice! That’s *egalitarian* advice, even! There were guys on there saying “do not be mean or sexually coercive…because that’s what betas do,” and it was honestly kind of hilarious. They even started saying cheating was “beta”, because an “alpha” would work on their marriage, get a divorce, or request non-monogamy if that’s what they wanted. Seriously, you flush out the creepers (which existed, in amounts that were not small, but not overwhelming either), and it’s like a Dan Savage column in there!
And, like, it got me thinking that maybe this is another side to the debate about if feminist-flavored environments are unwelcoming to men in general/ cishet men in particular: many of these guys *want* and *benefit from* what is essentially egalitarian relationship advice, but need to hear it from a goofy hat of “the mystical sekrits of het relationship advice, brought to you from Man Cave Radio” for them to believe it. I wonder if this isn’t a competing access needs thing, but it’s certainly worth thinking about.
(also, @worldoptimization , is this the sort of thing you had in mind when you said you admired the redpill stuff? because I never understood your affinity for it, but I can sort of see what you mean about the internal locus of control they promote)
Yeah this is pretty much what I think, that if you strip out the “alpha/beta dread kino” language a lot of it could basically be Dear Prudie. And yeah, “promoting an internal locus of control” is a good way to put it–I think that’s one of the ways in which, language aside, redpill relationship advice still differs from standard or more left-wing advice, and that’s an attitude I find helpful.