Fake Charity Nerd Girl

resist microstructural oppression

Posts tagged #pua cw

worldoptimization
2021-10-05 15:08:57

III: This is important general life advice, not just dating advice. Find a purpose greater than yourself.

XVI: “And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain.” Good stuff, applies equally to women.

XV: This is my first association when I think about this post: the imagery of the thunderstorm and oak tree really stuck with me. Like yeah I do want someone to be the oak tree to my thunderstorm.

XII: Straightforwardly correct and pleasantly non-problematic. I think the idea that “there is a groupie for every male endeavor” is underrated.

IX: I don’t totally know what this means/how it operationalizes but I guess that’s the point huh.

XI: This can go badly, but I think is overall correct and important.

XIV: Reasonable if somewhat obvious.

XIII: Kinda correct … but also kinda how you get sexual assault … idk

IV: This one seems kinda similar to XV, but a bit more questionable.

II: Ehh, I think you can engage in this consensually in a way that is fun for both people but it can also definitely be unfun.

X. Maybe? I kinda think it’s just a positive when men appreciate my appearance. But maybe this one only applies for really hot women who are bored of men putting them on a pedestal for their beauty or something.

V: Ok but what if both people are doing this. Think about the equilibrium of that game.

I: Same objection as previous.

VIII: I buy that men on average say “I’m sorry” too often, but … two for your entire relationship? If you fuck up say sorry, if you didn’t do anything wrong then don’t; that’s my take.

VII: I don’t think you need to have another girl on the side at all times in order to not fall apart at the idea of someone breaking up with you. What happened to loving yourself like in commandment XVI?

VI: This sounds hellish.

#pua cw
worldoptimization
2019-01-05 03:17:11

the red pill lied to me

I thought that men were only supposed to care about physical attractiveness, having a sweet and submissive personality, and maybe a couple other things like chastity and cooking skill

but it turns out all the men who are interested in dating me only care about “intelligence” and “knowing stuff about trading” and “having good opinions on social justice” and things like that

… I guess there’s probably a selection effect they were missing, isn’t there

#pua cw#personal#not sj go away
worldoptimization
Reblogged theunitofcaring · 2018-09-23 20:56:22

Anonymous asked:

I wrote a public defense of Brent, please rot13 cnfgrova qbg pbz fynfu jjkSnUKf

I’m not taking the time to respond to all of this but basically think I disagree with these sentiments:

btw there’s a fine line between “pressuring” women into sex and “taking the lead” in the way that most women want

theunitofcaring:

I promised a previous anon I would publish public defenses of Brent which people wrote, so I’m going to do that. (The link is here.)

My opinions are beneath the cut.

Keep reading

I think I once went on a date with one of these warning writers and got rejected for making the opposite mistake Brent made (i.e. I was rejected for being insufficiently dominant instead of being too dominant). And honestly I’m still kinda sore about this. Being dominant is something that I’m into, but I’m perpetually terrified of being called out in the way Brent is being called out here and therefore try to err consistently to the other side; it’s quite frustrating to keep getting rejected (due to insufficient dominance) in a way that prevents me from gaining the relationship experience I need to learn to be dominant in an acceptable way!

I’ve seen many people express similar things (including Brent!) and basically I think that being “dominant in the way women want” or w/e is uh, not orthogonal, but also not a point on the spectrum between “nice guy” and “abusive asshole.” It is possible to be Alpha and also be extremely considerate of your partners’ desires and autonomy. Doing what Brent did (e.g. using emotional manipulation and threats of self-harm to guilt/coerce partners into doing things they didn’t want to do) is the exact opposite of that.

(though, I understand romance is confusing and it’s hard to understand things without practice. it’s not a crazy mistake for anon to make but I do think it’s wrong)

#rape cw#sexual assault cw#pua cw
worldoptimization
Reblogged truffledmadness · 2017-09-08 01:04:51
truffledmadness

So after seeing @cptsdcarlosdevil ‘s writing on the subject, I checked out r/marriedredpill, thinking it would be a cesspit that would make me angry and I’d indulge in some good old-fashioned Feminist Rage.

Only…like…yes, there was some truly horrible stuff (one guy comparing women to household pets, gross sexual stereotyping here and there, a fair amount of racism and a heap of classism, etc.), but… there was also a surprising amount of advice that was, like, good and normal.

Like, they couched it all in goofy “alpha/beta dread kino” language, but strip that away, and you got advice like “if you want to have more sex with your wife, making sure you’re pulling your weight in terms of the household/kids, and then flirting with her, is more effective than slugging around whining that you don’t have enough sex” and “being cheerful and enthusiastic about your family life will lead to a happier family life” and “be supportive of your wife’s ambitions and hobbies” and “it’s not babysitting when they’re your kids–that’s just parenting.”

That’s good advice! That’s *egalitarian* advice, even! There were guys on there saying “do not be mean or sexually coercive…because that’s what betas do,” and it was honestly kind of hilarious. They even started saying cheating was “beta”, because an “alpha” would work on their marriage, get a divorce, or request non-monogamy if that’s what they wanted. Seriously, you flush out the creepers (which existed, in amounts that were not small, but not overwhelming either), and it’s like a Dan Savage column in there!

And, like, it got me thinking that maybe this is another side to the debate about if feminist-flavored environments are unwelcoming to men in general/ cishet men in particular: many of these guys *want* and *benefit from* what is essentially egalitarian relationship advice, but need to hear it from a goofy hat of “the mystical sekrits of het relationship advice, brought to you from Man Cave Radio” for them to believe it. I wonder if this isn’t a competing access needs thing, but it’s certainly worth thinking about.

(also, @worldoptimization , is this the sort of thing you had in mind when you said you admired the redpill stuff? because I never understood your affinity for it, but I can sort of see what you mean about the internal locus of control they promote)

worldoptimization

Yeah this is pretty much what I think, that if you strip out the “alpha/beta dread kino” language a lot of it could basically be Dear Prudie. And yeah, “promoting an internal locus of control” is a good way to put it–I think that’s one of the ways in which, language aside, redpill relationship advice still differs from standard or more left-wing advice, and that’s an attitude I find helpful.

#pua cw#crypto-social conservative blogging
worldoptimization
Reblogged bpd-dylan-hall-deactivated20190 · 2017-08-30 00:06:12
cptsdcarlosdevil

2357911131719

Wait, how are those at all equivalent?  Holding a purse costs nothing, buying a drink costs money; the latter seems clearly worse

apparently you might be stuck holding some lady’s purse for like fifteen or twenty minutes if there’s a line at the bar or the bathroom, and it means you can’t decide to go to a different bar or start dancing or go home with someone else or even move to a different part of the bar where she might not find you

it is different from, like, watching someone’s bag at the airport (which is just the nice person thing to do) because at an airport you are probably going to be in the same place for the next hour

or so topher, A Person Who Has Ever Gone To A Bar, reports to me

worldoptimization

I’m just confused why a woman would ever need to ask a man to hold her purse except as a shit test

I bring my purse with me to the bathroom? they generally have hooks for it? maybe occasionally it might be helpful if I’m trying to hold a lot of things at once but that’s why purses go over your shoulders, so they don’t occupy your hands while you’re trying to do things with them

but apparently it is enough of a thing to warrant a New York Times trendpiece

#pua cw
worldoptimization
2017-04-25 00:41:26

An interesting thing about redpill thought–and something its adherents would probably tell you distinguishes it from bluepill thought–is its focus on personal responsibility. Complaining about your husband on RPW is forbidden; your posts have to be about ways that you can improve as a partner. And I think if you commented on a PUA blog that the reason you can’t get laid is because women are bitches you’d get laughed at: regardless of whether women are bitches, the reason you can’t get laid is because you aren’t trying hard enough.

I think that mindset is part of what I find appealing about these communities. I’ve had several frustrating conversations with social justice-minded friends/acquaintances that go something like this:

me: *shares a problem I’ve been experiencing at school or work*

them: oh wow. clearly your classmates/boss/colleagues/industry is/are incredibly sexist. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that!

me: uh actually, I don’t really think that’s the issue here? I think that there are some ways I can grow as a person and I’m trying to figure out how to do that–

them: don’t blame yourself honey! this is structural oppression!!

And obviously, the “you are responsible for your own life” and “your problems are other people’s fault” narratives are both right sometimes. I think the response above would be correct if, say, I were experiencing workplace sexual harassment. Sometimes keeping a positive attitude toward your husband and becoming less demanding and more pleasant to be around is exactly what you need to make your marriage work, and sometimes he’s just an asshole and you need to dump him.

So what divides those attracted to the narrative of personal responsibility from those attracted to the blame-others narrative? Well uh, just speaking for myself, I’m an extremely privileged person. If it’s true of anyone, it’s probably true of me that most of my problems are kind of “my fault,” rather than the result of unavoidable external circumstances. And I’d guess based on any SJ-approved metric of privilege, the people in redpill communities are more privileged than those in SJ communities–in other words, the people for whom the personal responsibility narrative is most accurate/helpful.

(Of course, I’m sure both sides would object strongly to being characterized as coexisting communities for competing access needs. Either sexism isn’t real and those who claim to be held back by it are brainwashed, or all women are oppressed by sexism and those who claim otherwise are brainwashed.)

#crypto-social conservative blogging#culture war cw#pua cw#slurs cw#sorry I know the last sentence is uncharitable to both sides