Anonymous asked:
I’m not taking the time to respond to all of this but basically think I disagree with these sentiments:
btw there’s a fine line between “pressuring” women into sex and “taking the lead” in the way that most women want
I promised a previous anon I would publish public defenses of Brent which people wrote, so I’m going to do that. (The link is here.)
My opinions are beneath the cut.
I think I once went on a date with one of these warning writers and got rejected for making the opposite mistake Brent made (i.e. I was rejected for being insufficiently dominant instead of being too dominant). And honestly I’m still kinda sore about this. Being dominant is something that I’m into, but I’m perpetually terrified of being called out in the way Brent is being called out here and therefore try to err consistently to the other side; it’s quite frustrating to keep getting rejected (due to insufficient dominance) in a way that prevents me from gaining the relationship experience I need to learn to be dominant in an acceptable way!
I’ve seen many people express similar things (including Brent!) and basically I think that being “dominant in the way women want” or w/e is uh, not orthogonal, but also not a point on the spectrum between “nice guy” and “abusive asshole.” It is possible to be Alpha and also be extremely considerate of your partners’ desires and autonomy. Doing what Brent did (e.g. using emotional manipulation and threats of self-harm to guilt/coerce partners into doing things they didn’t want to do) is the exact opposite of that.
(though, I understand romance is confusing and it’s hard to understand things without practice. it’s not a crazy mistake for anon to make but I do think it’s wrong)