I was having fun today with the insight that relationships can be momentumy or mean-reverty (or both, on different timescales), and classifying my relationships as such
mean-reverty:
- they say something I find hurtful. I act hurt until they notice and start being extra nice to make up for it, at which point I go back to normal
- they’re uncomfortable with intimacy so whenever we start to get too close they pull away. if I give them space they come back
momentumy:
- they do something considerate for me. I’m touched and do something considerate back. the virtuous cycle continues
- they do something I think is bad, ignoring my protests. I’m pissed so I do something I know they think is bad, etc. the vicious cycle continues
I haven’t decided which … is better … idk, mean reversion seems like it will always be a bit disappointing. Otoh, even if you’re in the good phase of a momentumy relationship it’s kinda terrifying because stuff can spiral into a shitshow real quick.